By Ruth Yeabu Sesay
Aminata (not her real name) is a 23 years old university student who started dating older married men after going through what she called heartbreak in senior secondary school obviously caused by a boy of her age and decided that, henceforth she wouldn’t date or have sex for fun. In fact she vowed to never date boys her age.
Her strategy was to put on sexy clothes and go to bars and nightclubs frequented by rich older men and take her chances at landing one of them. Come on! Which man in his lust induced state would take their eyes and minds off a beautiful lady with curves and an awesome body?
For Aminata, this mission to attract rich men doesn’t require much effort because the man gets sex with no stress from her while she gets money and expensive gifts in return for her time and body. She says that leaves her with the impression that the men get into such relationships to attempt to close a gap opened up in their lives during their 20s.
So let me try and understand the point Aminata tried to make during our conversation: When these men were young they could not afford to date girls of the same age because there was no money, no jobs and resources to sponsor the high life of their age mates, therefore despite being advanced in age, married and having daughters of the same age bracket they cannot resist because it feels as if a part of them growing up and having fun was forcefully taken from them by men who had money at the time.
The point is every one of such sugar daddy relationships has a driving force pushing these young girls to sometimes chase these older men. The pressure of peers is one contributing factor for ladies to date rich older men. Isata (not her real name) is a 22 year old lady whose friends are into these kinds of relationships but being the only one who doesn’t have a sugar daddy opens her up to taunts and ridicules. And being the odd one among them she always felt pressured to match up to their standard of living, dressing and going to expensive night clubs and restaurants. Wanting the good things of life without the means to afford them because she is jobless, she decided that in order to get these fancy things and live the life of a “slay mama “she must get into the game of dating rich men. For her, this is just a business transaction and falling in love was never an option because at the end of the day the men would go home to their wives and children.
So let’s now look on the other side of the fence. Joseph, (not his real name) is a 35 year old businessman. He says whenever he is interested in a lady he ensures that he makes his intentions known and then starts sending money to the person he is interested in.
He says he does this to influence the decision of the target so that even if the lady wants to decline, the impact of the money should naturally result in an approval. He said: “I have worked hard to earn my money therefore I will no longer suffer to have any lady of my choice because my money will do the work.”
He made it abundantly clear that he is not dating for the sake of love; all he wants is to get benefit from the lady. It would then seem as if these men are predators waiting patiently for ladies to show their weaknesses to them and they would then come with solutions on a platter of gold with thorns underneath. Cash then becomes the solution to the problem that these ladies will open the door to the high life and they now become like drug addicts who are unable to get over their addiction. They must always have a dose of the usual drug, in this case money. They are just willing victims in a game of lust.
A sugar daddy or a sponsor is the (benefactor) in search of a mutually beneficial relationship with a young female (Pekito). He offers financial assistance to his Pekito, gifts and expensive outings in return he gets companionship, intimacy and entertainment. Hmmm is that sponsorship not commercial sex work wrapped in expensive gift boxes and given a different name?
A lady who has been in a relationship with an older man decided to tell us her story and what pushed her into the arms of a sugar daddy. She had to deal with demands of money from her mother. At age 18 some of the household responsibilities shifted to her. Now imagine a girl like that being asked for money to put the family meal on the table.
After the death of her father, Mariam’s mother couldn't provide her basic needs and that of her three siblings. She turned to Mariam (not her real name) for help and left with no choice, she opened up to a friend who had a friend that introduced her to some rich guys whom she started dating. She said she has been doing this now for seven years and her deprivation has come to an end. According to her there is a downside to the flashy life that they display on social media because the money comes with a price as she is normally asked to do different things which she does not feel comfortable to do but she has no choice because these men fund the life she lives. Mariam says she regrets not completing her education and learning a craft because that would have gradually helped her to be independent.
The high life is good and if one was fortunate to have beauty, curves, and brains and know how to play their cards they can earn quick money and start a life away from all the drama of being used as a sex object and solely depending on a man to survive. At some point the body grows old and there are young ones coming through to take over.
The best thing a young lady can do for herself is to be empowered whether by formal or informal education as that will help greatly.
It is also essential for ladies to be content and patient with the little they have because it is always only a matter of time for hard work to yield good results.
Copyright © 2022 Politico Online (23/12/22)
